“Raised in a conventional household, I got married at the age of 18. The turmoil of being a child in an adult role was daunting. Most of my time was spent in procrastination and when there would be any confusion, the world would say, the sooner I have a child, it all would make sense. I got pregnant within 4 months but miscarried soon after.
The whole point of me trying to adjust to this life started with a purpose (like they said) and I had lost that too. My friends were carefree, living the life and here I was, young, trying to nurse my broken heart with a loss of life inside of me. I could not talk about it, I did not know how to think, threw my life into chaos and depression. My depression stayed with me for two years and each day is a haze. Suicidal attempts, dark emotions, melodrama, the self-victimizing, everything was bleak. This was my world. I did not want to draw the curtains of my darkroom, where I lay in a fetal position, not wanting to live or face the world, rejected all kinds of therapy and medication because my brain was switched off.
All I needed was my moment. That switch to go on.
My favourite quotes from Harry Potter apply to my life perfectly;
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if only we remember to turn on the light.”
“That even though we've got a fight ahead of us, we've got one thing that Voldemort doesn't have, something worth fighting for.”
I turned it all around when I conceived again. I had found my reason to live and was blessed with 2 daughters, 4 years apart and I could not be happier! I am glad to not have given up on life, to have found my switch, my turning moment. Motherhood to my daughters was the most fulfilling part of my journey and I did not stop there.
We are all capable of finding our happiness within ourselves. Go on warrior women, put on that dress, wear that bright lipstick, get a haircut, laugh, do something to make yourself happy. Fulfil yourself! The path to our happiness is one thing in a day and one step at a time.”
Interviewed and transcribed by Maryam Syed